Monday Humor: Crushed Crush!

Sharrat to Somtochukwu for contributing this story. I got kinda caught up with work and she was up for the challenge! Enjoy!


Somto is currently doing a Masters degree in UNN.#Chibugothefamzer. Now, she has this friend, a male friend, Ore* who has an incurable addiction to sugar. I do not know if that was the cause of the mishap I’m about writing about, but I will have to include this since something sugary was going on at the time of this mishap.

According to her, when they were preparing for the second semester examinations last year, as usual, everyone had a quiet place or hideout where they got comfortable to read. The higher degree hostel has a reading room shared by its inhabitants, and it is a perfect place to study. Her friend decided to get comfortable and jack* his brains out. Of course he was accompanied by a sugary friend, cake icing! I mean, who even does that? Lmao!

In the same hostel, there was this girl, Cecilia*. Ore has a humongous crush on Cecilia. At the time of this occurrence, he had firmly made up his mind to speak to her really soon. He balanced in his chair, reading, and licking cake icing.  Ewwww. Everywhere was so silent, you could hear a pin drop. Cecilia happened to be in the same reading room, and she must have been tired of reading or just wanted to take a break or something like that, because she stood up and was packing her things. The next second was a moment of great confusion as Ore unconsciously let out a FART! Of course everyone turned to stare at the source of such a blatant distraction! Cecilia included! Permit me to use the same words Ore used to describe this incident to her: “I don’t know the devil that was after me that day ooo, because all of a sudden, out of nowhere, what I heard was POW!!! I had “messed”!! It wasn’t loud; it was thunderous!!! Its hard to believe such a sound came from me. Next thing I knew, all eyes were on me, including Cecilia’s! There and then, I knew I had lost the chance to speak to her about how I felt. And I really like that girl. 🙁 . Now I don’t even greet her, I just do my best to avoid her, and whenever we bump into each other, I just “eyes right” cos I get really uncomfortable.” 

I don laff soteey water finish for my eye. 😀 As touching as this story is, I couldn’t help but see the humorous side of it. Abeg, make una help us advise our friend Ore on top this mata. Should he keep avoiding her or just brave it? Hehe. Feel free to leave a suggestion in the comments.

We canno coman kee ourselves with depression as Nigeria don loss her budget on top the situation wen we dey complain about. Like I always say, Nigerian politics is like an unending seasonal movie, keep watching out for the next season. From #Dasukigate to #missing2016budget, the story line keeps improving. Lol. I’ve made a resolution not to take the political atmosphere to heart too much. I’m too young to have hypertension.Don’t sue me. Please, laugh away the stress and have a fantabulous week ahead!

Flatulence is the international language. Speak it with your anus. Hear it through your ears. Listen through your nose.― Jarod Kintz

*Ore, *Cecilia : Not real names

*jack: Nigerian slang for study

90s chick; nerd, humanitarian; lover of life, family, fashion, food, art and literature; Christian by birth and choice. In short, I’m like jollof rice: you’re gonna love me. 😉