Why you should never say #relationshipgoals

Screenshot_2016-04-30-17-37-27Everyone, or almost everyone, has heard of the huge mess made when the marriage of  one of Nigeria’s celebrity couples Tiwa Savage and TeeBillz Balogun went South. No one saw it coming, and, to be honest, I had to stop reading about it at some point because it seemed like I was hearing/reading too much about a family’s private affair, and I want to retain the respect I have for Tiwa. And so I backed off.

Not that it saved them from anything, in fact, we all know how Nigerians love a good gossip, don’t we? BellaNaija and Linda Ikeji had a field day as their readers dissected the matter, insulted one or both parties, took sides with one or both parties, or simply relished the fact that celebrities weren’t so infallible after all. Look up there. On a good day, comments per post on bellanaija are between 20 and 200 for a very interesting post. Right now, there are more than 500 comments on one post about this issue, and more are still coming.

In my little corner, I had a little flashback: to when the wedding took place. Dubai wedding, adorable bridal shower, A-list celebrity attendance, echetaram echetaram. Every Nigerian girl’s dream. I had lost count of how many #couplegoals and #relationshipgoals hash tags I came across online during that period. On bellanaija I had seen comments like “Baba God I’m waiting for my own TeeBillz”, and all such nonsense. To be honest, what I admired the most was Tiwa’s traditional wedding attire. Period. I could understand that with the “scarcity of good husbands”  *cough cough*, people would be wishing for exactly what they saw online, without knowing the story behind the smile.

And that’s the exact reason you should never say #relationshipgoals. No one is ready to tell you the dark side to their different relationships, and so you can only evaluate from the “To-match Asoebi”, the shiny Instagram shots, the gift display on social media, the foreign trips, and so on. Nothing will ever prepare you for the diverse kinds of demons people are battling in their various relationships.

An acquaintance once told me of her experience when her and her (very average earning) husband were walking to the bus stop to take a bus to a wedding. They were well dressed, but not in the official Asoebi of the day because they couldn’t afford it as they were both running expensive higher degree programs at the time. As they walked, they saw a beautiful couple pass by in their tear rubber jeep, dressed in the very Asoebi. She looked on in envy. They had everything she wished for. She mentioned to her husband, “I love that couple so much. If only we could be like them. ” He looked at her mysteriously and smiled, but said nothing. Later in the day, while the wedding owanbe was in full swing, she mentioned the same thing to another friend, and the friend dramatically covered her mouth in full amebor  fashion.” You wish what!!!? ” Let me tell you before you wish yourself death, that that man was responsible for the loss of her last pregnancy when he almost beat her to a coma, and he cheats on her serially without remorse. Every one knows this, so I’m surprised you’re saying something so foolish. Don’t be deceived by all the appearances oh! Ees wash ooh! Even while they were coming in, they had a small fight at the entrance to the parking lot. They had to park on one side while a family friend came to make peace between them before they came in. Abi is it by To-match Asoebi that you evaluate the success of a marriage? Don’t be stupid abeg. ”

You see, in most rumors, there are elements of truth. That night her husband confirmed almost all that her amebor  friend had told her and she shuddered. To think that she had been wishing for THAT!

People, be careful what you wish for. Not everything is as it seems and no two relationships are the same. Work on your own relationships and goals, and see it all blossom. Don’t even pattern your relationships against 25 year marriages because in this day and age, even 30 year old marriages break up for stupid reasons. Admire them, and let them be.

Another thing: it is actually possible to have a successful relationship without the validation of social media. It isn’t every time you have a fight or have issues to sort that you need to spill it for everyone to see. Though I’m not married, I do know for a fact that marriage wahala can be terrible but trust me, social media will only make it all worse.

If you have something to add which you think might be helpful, let us know in the comments.

I am really heartbroken for Tiwa. I hope they work it all out.

Love, Chibugo.

2 thoughts on “Why you should never say #relationshipgoals

  1. it’s true, not all that glitters is gold. I admire good things a lot but i never have a deep desire for what someone else has. I like celebs and their flashy lifestyles but it only motivates me to work harder on my own thing, not to be like them.

Speak your mind! Type your comment in the box below