Greetings… To those who have touched my 24 years of life

Hey, it’s my birthday. My birth certificate says it is. And apparently, I’m 24. In typical fashion, I’ve spent the last few days thinking weird thoughts, like what I’d look like at 70, what kind of things I’d do between now and then, and the people that have impacted my life till now. I realized that many of these people I will never see again, and there are many more who will come, who I’m yet to see. I suddenly feel very thankful. I know I’ve seen something similar somewhere before, but nevertheless…

1. To the random people who have said a kind word here and a compliment there –  Thank you for putting a spring in my step.

2. To the unknown faces I smile at on the road, on the bus, at church, and in other random places – Thank you for returning my smile.

3. To the white bearded policeman who for four years, halted traffic on Montgomery road whenever I had to cross while going to school –  Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You made me feel special.

4. To that friend who got me my very first present – Thank you for showing me the value of friendship.

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Feeling a little zany with my ruby woo lip print. Awkward, kissing my book and all. Feeling my thankfulness yet?

5. To the boy who first told me “you’re beautiful”  –  Thank you. I believe you now.

6. To this great friend who is always there, ready to listen to every stupid idea that pops into my head, encouraging me when I’m up and comforting me when I’m down – Thank you for becoming more like a sister than a friend.

7. To that special friend who sheltered me in my troubled year –  Thank you, for nursing my spirit.

8. To the authors of all the books I’ve read –  You are too many to name. Thank you, for fuelling my imagination and pushing me to dream.

9. To that teacher who turned me out of his office and told me I would suffer – Thank you for the tears you wrought; and here’s my upper second class for your viewing pleasure.

10. To that other teacher who helped me when no one else could, who pushed away the barricade of religion and went out of the way to show love regardless – Thank you, for ensuring that I made it.

11. To those whose sole mission seems to be getting me hitched – Thank you, for forcing me to look deep within to see how complete I am, and how lucky another complete person will be to have me as his wife.  P.S: I’m still not ready to jump the broom. Ha!

12. To my family: what could I be without you? –  Thank you for being mine.

13. To the one whose heart I broke – I’m sorry. Truly.

14. To the many I may have disappointed – I beg your forgiveness. Thank you for bearing with my very flawed self.

15. To the ones who have said an unkind word or two to me –  Thank you, for making me value loving and kind words more.

16. To the friends who have always had my back (and hopefully always will) despite my many flaws – Thank you. You are worth more than your weight in diamonds.

17. To those who have poured out their hearts to me in times of distress – Thank you for trusting me, and I hope I left you feeling better.

18. To the “chosen” few, who are privy to the goings on in the recesses of my overactive brain, my uncertainties and fears, my insecurities and quirks; the very few people with whom I can be myself – There is a special mansion you inhabit for free in my heart. You are irreplaceable. Thank you.

19. To those who have advised me professionally and personally – Thank you, salt of the earth; Thank you.

20. To those I have worked with – Thank you for bearing with my perfectionism. Thank you.

21. To you reading this blog right now – Thank you for reading, for without readers I am no writer.

22. To my Day One Bae (before anyone else), the One who loves me unconditionally, from the kinky hair on my head to the soles of my feet, my first love, Yahweh – I love, because You first loved me. Thank you, for Everything.

Youth is the gift of nature, but age is the work of art – Garson Kanin. 

Sincerely, Chibugo.

A Letter To My Teenage Self

What is it about approaching birthdays that make us suddenly introspective about life? It is a great idea to look back sometimes and appreciate how far you’ve come. Don’t you sometimes wish you could get in a time machine and go back to the past and change some things? I sure do. It’s exactly a month to my birthday and I’ve had these really sober moments when I reflect on anything and everything. What’s this about sometimes feeling like I’m still sixteen, and other times feeling like I’m already forty? I have a tendency to write things, and so I wrote this letter to my much younger self. This almost made it to the pile of things I write which never get published, but somehow it got here. A lot of water has passed this bridge, surely. I hope it’s worth your time.

Cheechee,

First of all, loosen up. You’re just fourteen! Why do you worry so much? You worry that you’re not going to make straight A’s in WAEC, that you won’t make it to medical school, that you may not be found worthy of the religious life. You are abashed when you have to say that your father is a bookstore owner and your mother a restaurant owner; you are worried that your parents may die and you and Kembu will be left with the task of raising all five little ones alone just like in the nollywood films, and that the world may end before you get a chance to do anything. Girl, hold up. It’s not that serious! And no, I’m not laughing at you, just rolling my eyes. I still remember how you feel, but can you quit the drama already?

First of all, guess what? In a year’s time, you’re going to write WAEC and even though you promised Father straight A’s, you’re going to come home with something more like straight B’s and Father’s going to be extremely proud of you anyway. As for medical school, well, you won’t make it then, but it won’t be the end of the world. That same bookstore you hide from people, will be your first work experience and you’re gonna love it! You think you’re some quiet, nondescript girl whom nobody knows, but you’ll find out in good time that you were quite known and admired at school. Two years from now too, you’ll realize that you were in the running for the religious life for all the wrong reasons, and change your mind about it even though it’ll also break Father’s heart. And yeah, Father and Mother are alive and strong, grandparents too! Ha!

You worry too much for someone so young. A smile once in a while wouldn’t hurt, you know. Remember, you’re just sixteen. Your life lies ahead of you like a map spread on the table. You worry that you’re not as beautiful as your sisters, you ask Father why your eyes are so big; you’re happiest playing with your siblings and wonder if you’ll be a good enough mother when the time comes; you are a bit afraid of boys, and hide your pimply face behind a different book everyday. Honey, listen. Wouldn’t beauty be boring if it was of one kind? Trust me, you ain’t so bad. And like Father responded, people pay money to get eyes like yours. Best believe him. And boys! I wish you were not so wary of them! Believe me, they’re not the evil demons Mother made you believe they were. What would you expect? She has six daughters and is trying to protect them. You will come to meet all kinds, and you will love them and they will love you right back. University will make you aggressive, for that is where you will find your voice.

You hide yourself in the pages of books, and you dream great dreams; and that’s fine. You have made awesome imaginary friends in Achebe, Dickens, Emecheta, Amadi, Ike, Nwapa, Ekwensi and a host of others. You will make more friends in Adichie, Cole and Shoneyin, and you will come to be indifferent to poetry which was your first love. That’s okay. Keep dreaming. It will inspire you to push hard in difficult times.

You’re eighteen now, and you question everything. Does God really exist? Why is the world so evil? Why do we even have to die at all if God loves us so much? Why did I have to be born a girl anyway? Things changed so much ever since my chest stopped being so flat. Why do boys look at me like I’m something edible whenever I dress nice and I’ve got makeup on, but zone out when I start a smart conversation? Why do I ignore cute boys and have huge crushes on nerds? Does that mean something’s wrong with me? Why does nobody understand me?

Well, you are one big bag of questions now. Don’t sweat it chica, you’ll come to find that indeed God exists, and most boys your age at that time, aren’t really interested in smart conversation. You wonder why God didn’t create you a boy. Being  a girl is so much work. And you’re sure Father would be pleased to have a grown son. Well, you’re here already, and you are enough. Your dreams are valid, and the earlier you began working on them, the better. Remember that resolution you wrote in your diary, that you and your sisters would make your parents prouder than parents of ten sons? You were right on track.

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So here’s to you. You’re imperfectly perfect, and born to inspire. You took the name Theresa at confirmation because you wanted to imitate Mother Theresa. Guess what? She will be canonized this year, half a dozen years into the future. The years ahead are full of rough roads. You will have several boy crushes and recover from them all. You will survive a fatal accident too, and your outlook of life will change from then. I do not know if you will be wealthy, but you’ll survive.

You won’t suddenly become some cool and glamorous diva, nope. So crush those dreams of suddenly waking up to find that you had morphed into something like Omotola or Genevieve. You’re going to be more like the regular jeans and T-shirt girl next door 🙂  and you’ll be perfectly fine with it. Now listen and listen good: the next time you travel from school to pay a visit to aunt Fidelia, share as many jokes as possible with her, play, laugh and hug her really tight. Memorize the sound of her voice, the color of her skin, and the cadence of her laugh. She won’t survive that pregnancy, and everyone will be devastated. You will hurt terribly in places no one can see, but you, and the rest of the family, will live through it.

Go on, dear girl; grab another book and lose yourself in it. Bear the title “Bookworm” proudly. Remember that readers are leaders. Write, write, and don’t stop writing. I wish you would not try so hard to stifle your overactive imagination. Worrying about your future will get you nowhere, but I can tell you that to the best of my knowledge, it’s going to be fantastically awesome. You’re going to meet great new people and make great new friends, travel to new lands and learn new things. Remember to Whom you belong and trust in Him. He has a great masterplan. Stay strong, and remember to smile more often.

Sincerely, (and with great nostalgia and fondness),

Your future(and hopefully wiser) self.

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I dunno, the photo just seemed right. If pokerface were a title, I guess I’d be a chief.

I don’t know about you reading this, but writing it was especially therapeutic for me, and if you’ve read to this point, then I owe you a really big hug. It’s weird how things that felt so insurmountable years ago seem so laughable now. Haha. If you ever get to write your “letter to your much younger self”, don’t hesitate to tag me or reach out to me via any social medium.

What advice would you give your younger self? Let ’em loose in the comments!

Regret not that which is past; and trust not to thine own righteousness. –   Saint Anthony of Padua

Danfo Diaries episode 3 : How to survive Lagos traffic : Shop!

Happy new month my people. Like play like play, this year has gone halfway. Don’t beat yourself up if like me, you’ve still not been able to achieve your personal targets for the year. One day at a time, na ein sure pass.

Now to our danfo series. Today’s post is quite interesting. One thing I love Lagosians for, is their ability to turn every disadvantage into an opportunity. You see, seated in traffic, you’re bound to think of the many things you’d rather be doing with the hours you spend flattening your buttocks in that rickety bus. Now the hawkers have transformed the highway into a kind of market, teaching commuters a means of fighting bus-lag: shopping!

Took this photo from atop Cele Pedestrian bridge. Thought I would die standing there, but obviously I didn't. Eeek.

You will be astonished at the number and variety of things you can buy while in traffic. I admire the ingenuity of these hawkers who have turned this menace of traffic into a means of livelihood. You gotta applaud that. Have you ever helped a hawker bring down his/her wares from its cranial perch? Believe me when I say these guys carry their shops on their heads. That, coupled with constantly having to dodge speeding vehicles and greedy, violent touts, is no mean feat. Everytime I come across an honest road trader, I say a silent prayer that he/she moves to a higher level. That kain suffer no be here oh.

Like I was saying before I digressed, the variety of things you will see to buy on the roads are fantastically diverse. If you think I’m exaggerating, oya check out this list I wrote while stuck in a late evening traffic coming from the Cele-Okota Link bridge, inwards Ago Palace Way; my usual route😉

1. Gala, chinchin, other snacks

2. Soft drinks and water(they go: “Botu water lacasera minira! Botu water wazo wazo! i.e : fifty naira each. Hehe. Street code)

3. Apples and grapes(I bought some)

4. Mirrors of different sizes (don’t ask me, it’s what I saw)

5. Portrait sized pictures of Jesus

6. Hot water flasks (eh?)

7. Chocomilo cubes(I got this too. It’ll get Kiisa off my neck when I get home)

8. Clocks (really? Chei)

9. Full Plantains(you read correctly)

10. Ankara materials

11. Groundnuts, walnuts, chips (all ye hungry passengers)

12. Bread

13. Fresh vegetables (well, they looked fresh)

14. Children’s pyjamas (I kid you not)

15. Books

16. Jewelry

17. Rat killer. This one got me. Rat poison? Really? After feeding my eyes on all that awesome merchandise, na rat poison wan help me close market? Lol.

Still, I would rather give my money to these guys than to the beggars who hang around waiting for you to give them money for nothing. Your limbs are intact, your sight and speech are good, and you expect me to pay you for being lazy. Gerrarahia mehn! Many of them are robbers masquerading as beggars just to get you to wind down the Glass  of your widow before they strike. It doesn’t matter whether you’re on a bus or in your car. Please be careful, especially at night. That doesn’t exclude the hawkers who abscond with your change, especially when traffic begins to move and they know you cannot get down to give them a hot chase. Ndi oshi.

That said, it’s time to reveal the weirdest thing I’ve ever bought while in traffic: stockfish.  That’s right. Stockfish. The thing do me like nollywood film too. I’m not too surprised though, someone confessed to me that she had once bought almost all the ingredients for her pot of soup while in traffic. My people, I Kent. Lol.

Tell me your own experience down below in the comments section. Make my day too!

And keep being Awesome while at it!

Kisses, hugs, and fresh tomatoes,

Chibugo.

 

 

Danfo Diaries episode 2: twelve characters you’re bound to meet on a danfo.

Without a car, and having to work in Lagos, you are sure to meet certain characters on the bus bound for the same direction as you. In fact, you are not a true danfo hopper if you cannot identify any of these groups of people mentioned below.

Took this photo from atop Cele Pedestrian bridge. Thought I would die standing there, but obviously I didn't. Eeek.
Photo credit: my Tecno 8H phone camera.

1. The Preacher:  almost every bus I get on, there’s a preacher in it. I really have no problem with this, except that really, if you had to wake up by 4:45am to prepare and go to daily mass, leaving church by 6:50am you’re probably thinking of the correct snooze you’re going to hammer while on the bus to work. But alas, you’re just about to bend your head and begin the action when a voice bellows: brothers and sisters praise the Lord! 😧😢 I usually sit up and join in the prayers and singing(despite the fact that I’m just coming from mass), until the preaching starts. Then it most of the time turns out to be a “Christians are not sinners and sinners are not Christians -hell fire and damnation – all women who wear trousers and make up shall go to hell- kind of preacher. At this point I jejely put my head back down. I have a valid reason to finally sleep.

2. The Change Collector: When the conductor yells “Wole pelu change yen oo!” You better take him seriously and have your change at hand, or else, you will automatically fall into this group, or you may end up doing what I did here. “Aunty please help me with your #100”, “Uncle please do you have change?”, this is the usual pitch. I’ve been in this situation a lot of times and OYO is your name when everyone on the bus is replying no to your polite request. You will be married to another passenger by your conductor that day. If its a conductor that collects fares before the driver moves, he may just tell you to delete yourself from his vehicle with immediate alacrity. They don’t have time for stories.

3. The sleeper: Now we’re getting down to business. There are people that cannot enter a bus without sleeping. I once went in the same direction with a certain guy, and on all the three buses we got on, he slept the entire journey, despite the loud music, the road bumps, the occasional argument, and the odd exchange of words with alayes. Thats not such a big deal, until you’re on a bus with someone without body coordination. From sleeping on the backrest, the person will begin sleeping on you. Some even drool. Chei. Imagine looking back from your seat only to see all the passengers seated on the next row, sleeping in different positions. Believe me when I say, I’ve seen it all.

4. Cheapskates: These are the group of people that like to “lap”. Sometimes you see two wide hipped women planning to lap! I pity  you if you’re to sit beside them. The most incredible situation is when the bus fare is 30 or 50 naira, and two people still want to lap! Students are the biggest culprits in this, but at least they have an excuse. Heck, we all did it at some point in secondary school. But for someone to be planning to lap 3 or 4 children? Wetin man nor go see kwanu? What about those who bargain the bus fare? It is the state of the economy, my people. O ga oh.

5. The Meddler: That is how somebody will just be on her own, making a personal call on the bus, only for her to hang up and one aunty or uncle beside or behind her will decide to help her life circumstances by offering unsolicited advice. Ejoor uncle abi aunty, except you’re directing me to where I will get free money, face your front.  Ees not your problem, nor your business. Tainkiu.

6. The musician: I decided to tag this group “musician”  because it is normal to plug in your headphones while on the bus, but very abnormal to try singing what you’re hearing out loud for other passengers. Trust me, you will sound like a mosquito. While some can be really loud and annoying, some people actually sound good, but, why would you decide to display your singing skills at 7pm on a bus loaded with tired passengers who just want to go home and rest? Kini problem yen?

7. The current tapper: For those who don’t know what tapping current means, it means someone discreetly making body movements that bring him or her in contact with another’s untouchable parts. I still wonder why men do it, because it makes no sense to torture yourself for nothing. You will just be minding your business, then one oga beside you will use “style”  to brush your breast with his elbow. Or another uncle sitting behind will be trying to use his knee to “chook” the living daylight out of your buttocks. I usually excuse the first attempt as a mistake, but the second time, you will get a good dose of my medicine. Nonsense!

8. The Farter : Brethren and sistren, pray you never come across this person on your way! You may not survive the journey(I kid), or you may end up alighting before your bus stop, just to get some good air. Sometimes when when I’m on the bus and I detect the presence of such a person, I look around at everyone and try to decipher who is responsible. I’m never able to. Lagosians have a record breaking degree of “straight face syndrome”. Tufiakwa.!

9. The Market People : You know them by the large sacks or baskets of goods(mostly foodstuff)  that they carry. I once boarded a bus to Oshodi, and subsequently, three market women bearing baskets of dry fish entered with their wares. I would have looked for a way out, but I was in a tearing hurry and the bus was already full. I was on my way to an Interview with my fine pressed suit and shiny everything. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job. I can’t tell whether it was because I smelt like a fish seller or because I studied life sciences and not business administration. *shrugs*

10. The Readers: I fall into this category, especially when it’s not an interesting bus. My eyes remain glued to the book I’m reading till I realize it’s my bus stop and yell “Owa oh”! . I meet very few people who fall here, but they do exist. Close to this category also, are the phone pressers. They will press phone until they almost pass their bus stops. If you count reading a book on my phone as” phone pressing”, then I’m guilty of this one too. Some will be on social media and forget their change with the conductor. Kontinu.

11. The Toaster: Fine Bobo sees fine sisi on a bus, fine Bobo assumes she’s not taken and decides to try his luck. I’ve never seen a lady that responded positively to this bus toasting, except once or twice. Most of them don’t even understand  body language. When you’ve been trying to get my number and I’m busy still pressing phone or reading one big book, shouldn’t you know that I’m not interested?

12. The Seller: Books, medicine, phones, power banks, jewellery, you name it. Some people do all their marketing on Lagos danfos. And they sell well too.

This was meant to be a fun post, as most of my posts are. So, what category did you fall into? Did I miss anyone? Help the ministry : leave a comment!

Kisses, hugs and kulikuli, 

Sincerely, Chibugo.

 

Danfo Diaries – 5 Weird Things You Have Likely Seen On A Danfo

Took this photo from atop Cele Pedestrian bridge. Thought I would die standing there, but obviously I didn't. Eeek.
Took this photo from atop Cele Okota Pedestrian bridge. Thought I would die standing there, but obviously I survived. Eeek.

Danfo –  That’s what the popular yellow bus found in Lagos is called. Very wealthy you must be, if you’ve lived in Lagos and never ridden on it. I ride on it almost everyday, and I sometimes wonder what would become of millions of working Lagosians if the danfo system were to be abolished. Its still pretty rustic, but coming from the days of “bolekaja”  which literally means “come down let’s fight”, there has been some progress, though there’s ample room for improvement. Many things have taken place in these danfos ; the fabric of Lagos living, as a matter of fact, is intricately weaved with a vivid yellow, if you get what I mean. Every bus tells a story, from the more recent tricycles “keke napep”  to the very large “molues”. Sometimes when I enter a bus, I look around and wish I could interpret the mysterious tapestry that is a full bus formation: 5, 14, 18, 60 or more breaths meshing together for a brief period in time, never to be entirely together again, ever.

Ack! I’ve started again. Before I get more poetic than this, lets get down to the post proper jarey. I realized I have talked about this city a lot on this blog. From one of my very first posts here, to this one here, to this here post(ensure you read this one. Lorl), to this one and this one. Well, since I blog about what I see, I guess it’s inevitable. Read through all those posts I linked above. You’ll be happier for it, believe me.

So, I’m a bus hopper. The danfo is almost an everyday thing for me that I take it as nothing, being in it. I’ve even once been a temporary bus conductor. Lol. We had no conductor and I took it upon myself to wave people into the bus as the driver kept delaying so he could get a full bus. No, I did not stand and yell “Oshodishodishodi”! Like the bus touts. I remember how Teju Cole described it in his book” everyday is for the thief”: “Ikejakejakeja”. The realness of it! I was a mute conductor. Lol. Anyway, if you’ve used the danfos, you must have come across a couple of weird things that have become quite commonplace in them.

1. Having to sit on something that’s not a seat: The seat between the driver and the window passenger in the front seat is usually an empty  space, but to maximise profit, these guys improvise seats with anything handy. I’ve seen a plastic paint bucket, a wooden stool, and even a plank wedged between the two seats used to serve the purpose of an extra seat. The wonders of danfos. Smh

2. A bus that doesn’t start with a key:  When I first saw a driver put two wires together only to have the bus start magically, I was stunned, and then worried that the bus would blow up.  Hot wiring is very common among our danfo drivers. It doesn’t take away from its weirdness though.

3. Having to tie yourself with the seatbelt: Most of the seat belts of these worn out buses are so slack that they couldn’t hold anything. They’ve probably lost the hook too. But each time a driver with such a problem carries you, as soon as you approach a LASTMA checkpoint, they tell you to pull it over yourself and manipulate it so that it looks like your belt is in place. You may end up tying yourself up. In Teju Cole’s book, his uncle responds that “idea l’a need” (a Yoruba and English mash-up for “they only need the idea”), meaning that the officials only need to see something that looks like a seat belt, because they sure won’t be coming to check if you really have one on.

4. A hanging door: hardly anything is as it should be in these buses. They’re so utilitarian, that to see padded seats is a rare luxury. The wooden seats of these danfos have no mercy on one’s buttocks. 😢 Let alone the doors. The doors sometimes don’t close properly and the conductors end up having to tie it so as not to be caught by officials who may penalise them for having an open door on the highway(as if the doors are not open 90% of the time). Yesterday, my bus conductor used a strip of Ankara material to tie the door shut. Ha! I can’t deal. This can be dangerous though. My brother was once on a bus which caught fire from over heating and he had to escape through a window because the conductor was still trying to figure out how to untie his “cloth lock”. Wetin man nor go see?

5. A conductor who is actually nice: I wonder if there is a training given to conductors on “how to be nasty to passengers 101”. I have on very few occasions come across nice conductors and I’m always dazed by the sheer strangeness of it. What about their voices? Ha! The characteristic voice of a conductor is guaranteed to scrape your nerves. Mother says it’s the weed most of them smoke. Terrible thing, that voice.

I hope you enjoyed reading this episode of Danfo Diaries. The next post in this series is sure to make you smile. Keep reading, and remember to be awesome!

Kisses, hugs and kulikuli, 

Sincerely, Chibugo.

Monday Humor : Oh Crap!

New week, have to work. Bleh. This is one of those Mondays I wish I were a kid again. One gets really tired of “adulting” sometimes. Anyway, since we gotta do what we gotta do, might as well do it with a spring in our step, eh?

Speaking of kids, what’s the stupidest thing you ever did as a kid? I did so many stupid things myself, that it would be hard to choose one. Stealing milk and Milo and lying about it when evidence was dusted on my lips; peeing on the bed and waking up to change so that mom wouldn’t find out(she always did); making faces behind Mother’s back, without knowing that she was watching me in the mirror; having disgusting belching competitions with my sisters; absentmindedly picking my nose while I was supposed to be posing in the family picture(I was caught on camera by the way); reading a book while I was supposed to be babysitting my little brother, while he crapped on himself,  smeared the stuff all over himself, and proceeded to eat it.😭 Ah, God forgive me. Lol.

My goodest friend, Marie, while we were at uni, told the story of one of her childhood escapades which I think should win a prize. If you never had a farting contest with your siblings, ah, you never start. So Marie and her sister, Kay, decided to have a farting competition and the winner would be whoever gave off the smelliest, most thunderous fart. They began, and, the air began to get ugly, with each person doing her darnedest to outdo the other. (The secret to the game is to eat something really gassy, like beans. I would know. 😉) You know the different categories of farts, from the “thunder”  to the “silent poison”; they all came to play that day. Everything has an end, though. But the end of the game is usually the sweetest and most competitive part. Kay could do no more, but Marie seemed to be on a roll. Kay then decided to try one last time. She meditated on it, and then she let off a mighty one that shocked even herself, and she promptly burst into tears. Ahn ahn, aunty, I troway cap for you. You don win. Beht what hapun na? Why you crying?

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Turns out she had simultaneously crapped (poo-pooed/shat) on herself while trying to let out the “fart of the century”. Chei. 🙆 Kasala don burst, literally. Damage control, somebody? Ah, to be a child again. Nothing like a well spent childhood.

Marie, thanks for letting me use your story. And happy birthday. My days with you were my best days in university.

In other news, the 2016 national budget has finally been signed. We need to go for Thanksgiving, I think. #sarcasm. Anyway, have a productive week, and don’t hesitate to be your awesome self!

Kisses, hugs, and kulikuli, 

Sincerely, Chibugo.

Whoa! Hold up! All men cheat?

Hello brethren and sistren. How are you doing? How market? Mummy and daddy nko? Your siblings nko? How is fuel in your area? Haha! Sharrat to my Yoruba elders. They can ask about even your neighbour’s dog. Hope the month of May has been treating you all well.

Some time ago, while taking a break from work, I was browsing bellanaija and a comment on a post caught my eye. Not just the comment, but the fact that it had gathered so many likes. The summary of what the commenter wrote was that “All men cheat. Its not about whether he is a pastor or a thug. It is an inherent thing in men”. I was horrified. To be honest, when I saw that, plus the fact that some other commenters concurred aggressively, even citing life examples, for a while I began looking at all men with suspicious eyes; my father included. Lol. I nor know who send me message, but after a while and a little research, I knew it couldn’t be true. In fact, common sense dictates that generalizations are never a good idea.frowny face

However, I came up with some interesting information and I leave it to you to determine which is fact and which is myth. I will state my opinion though.

1. 100% of men cannot be mentally monogamous, in that they are biologically programmed to assess the sexual attractiveness of every single woman they see.

My take : I think this is correct. This doesn’t usually translate to actual cheating, methinks. Feel free to prove me wrong, I beg.

2. Cheating men still love their wives, they just cannot resist a second slice of chocolate  cake.

My take: is it just me or just this sound really stupid?

3. Men cheat because of strong sexual impulses and the need for variety.

My take: CHINEKE! Variety? Food is a need. Water is a need. Sex is not a need, my brothers and sisters. It is a want. Strong sexual impulses can be controlled, or, wait, you think women don’t have strong sexual impulses too? At this point, lowering of inhibitions is what really makes someone with this excuse to finally cheat. Little wonder a study directly linked alcohol consumption with promiscuity. Alcohol lowers inhibitions.

4. Infidelity  is a choice: I agree. The same goes for fidelity.

5. Matching patterns is wrong:

I agree also. Just because 3 men you know have cheated on their spouses, and you’ve been cheated on twice, and you’re surrounded by baby daddies, doesn’t mean that the remaining three point something billion men in the world are cheats. It can be painful to be on the receiving end of such a terrible thing, but I don’t think generalizing solves anything.

6. Men can go about impregnating women left right and center, but a woman can only get pregnant every nine months maximum. That is probably the reason they don’t cheat as much as men.

😂 : My take: I laughed so hard at this and I knew I had to share. It just sounded ridiculous and funny and the same time. Couldn’t laugh alone.

To be more serious though, generalizations such as this are very dangerous. Not all men cheat, and not all women cheat. On the flipside  though, what do you think a person should do if she/he discovered his/her spouse cheating? Stay, or leave? Would YOU stay or leave? What even makes someone decide to cheat? I mean, if you thought this person was so awesome that you had to spend the rest of your life with him or her, why stray? Isn’t there a less scandalous way to take care of marital frustrations? Infidelity is far deeper than I choose to jokingly portray here, but I deliberately decided to limit this post because I wasn’t sure I had any right or authority to delve any deeper.

Awon mummies and daddies, aunties and uncles, brothers and sisters, boyfriends and girlfriends, sidekicks and main chicks (dodges bullet), neighbours and gateman, make una put mouth for this matter oh. This one pass me, to be honest. Married people, joor, put mouth for the matter. Epp our relationship ministry. Biko nobody should come to “haks”  me jamb kweshon on my BBM or whatsapp as to whether I’m about to marry or sontin. Ees nor your bizness. Lol.

XOXO, Chibugo.

Don’t tell me boosit, don’t call me boosmeat, eranko is a hanimal dat don’t haf sense I’m a human being you can’t dispute it

If you cannot give me sontin, don’t tell me notin, eranko is a hanimal dat don’t haf sense, I’m a human being you can’t dispute it  – Cobhams ft Falz ; Boosit, 2016.

Capture

If you haven’t heard this song I quoted from above, you need to. It’s a song with a message, and hilarious too. It’s for those who make promises or vows and renege on them, be they husbands/wives, pastors or politicians. Boosit is the Ibadan adulteration of the word “bullshit”. Search and download, and tell me what you think! While at it, have a swell weekend!

Did You Know? Your Birth Month Supposedly Says A Lot About You!

As I strolled along Internet streets, I stumbled upon something about one’s birth month having something to do with one’s personality. I had seen things like this many times before, but out of curiosity, I delved deeper this time. I found a lot of interesting things. It was uncanny, the fact that my attributes from my birth month fit me to a T. I actually had a “jaw-drop”  moment and my mind went like “what the heck?!”

frowny face

Where did these people know me from? (All information on this post were extracted from buzzfeed, dgreetings.com, and allisimpson.com.) I tried finding out the basis of this classification but came up with some astrological bla bla bla, and that, to me made it lose credibility as I don’t believe in astrology. For fun’s sake though, you can zoom straight to your birth month and see if it’s as eerily accurate as mine was. I was born July 13th, by the way. Ack! I wonder why the July born has the longest list of attributes. 😕Anyway, read on! 

JANUARY 
An ambitious person who finds joy in making others happy. Because of your insatiable curiosity, you enjoy learning and teaching others. Though you can be on the reserved side, people enjoy your company because you are very inclusive and attentive to others needs. Your hardworking nature as well as your sharp mind and organized habits will continue to help you throughout life.
Another source: Stubborn and hard hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Loves to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Money cautious.

FEBRUARY 
You’re quick thinking and intelligent, and you hate nothing more than having your creative side restricted by outside forces. You’re a very driven person who aggressively pursues individual goals, but you’re also humble and private when it comes to your many talents. Though you are easily hurt and tend to wear your heart on your sleeve, you also enjoy the company of people who are bold and assertive.
Another source: Abstract thinker; intelligent and creative, temperamental and whimsical, honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals, loves freedom and space, rebellious when restricted, sensitive and easily hurt, shows emotions easily, loves making friends, daring and stubborn:ambitious.

MARCH 
You’re naturally creative and artistic, and you enjoy having the freedom to play and daydream. Though you tend to be a bit sensitive, you’re very slow to anger and very trusting of others, even strangers. If someone is unwise enough to betray your trust, you have a tendency to hold grudges. You’re appreciative of kindness, and you have a keen eye for all things beautiful.
Another source: affectionate and caring, naturally sincere and honest. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to the needs of others. Not easily angered. Reliable. Appreciative of gratitude ; observant. Let vessel to travel, aesthetically gifted.

APRIL
You’re direct and outspoken, and quick to defend the people and causes you care about. You love deeply and openly, and you possess a very keen memory(especially for those who have wronged you). As a natural diplomat, you are quick to jump in and assist in solving other people’s problems but when you are wronged, you are quick to become vengeful and hold grudges. You’re also good at motivating yourself and others.
Another source : Active and dynamic. Decisive but impulsive. Attractive and attention seeking; strong mind, diplomatic; friendly and solves people’s issues. Brave and outgoing, loving and giving, emotional and generous; easily envious.

MAY
Stubborn and adamant; highly motivated and inflexible. Attracts others and love attention. Physically attractive; understanding. Fertile imagination. Sharp debating skills, loves literature and the arts, dislikes being indoors, restless. Spendthrift.
Another source: Stong willed and Stubborn, you’re a very driven and hardworking individual. You’re very dynamic and understanding of others, and because of this, people are easily drawn to you and ready to see you as a leader. Your excess energy means you have a hankering for an adventure and you often find yourself restless at home. You’re also a logical thinker who enjoys clear cut goals and planning.

JUNE
You’re talkative, well spoken and easily able to captivate crowds of people. Your bright mind is always full of ideas and you are greatly appreciative of the kindness of others and eager to return favors. Though you tend to get hurt easily, you’re great at meeting people and making others feel at ease with your wonderful sense of humor.
Another source: far thinking, easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft spoken; sensitive. Active mind, hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and wants the best. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills;talkative ;dreamer. Friendly, easily bored, seldom shows emotions. Loves to dress up. Takes time to recover when hurt.

JULY
Sharp and witty; you’re fun, approachable, and the type of person others want to know better. Though you’re friendly and amicable, you’re very private and its difficult for people to get to know you. You’re very quick to forgive, but you very rarely forget and are easily hurt when the people you trust wrong you. You’re a genuine person who appreciates honesty in others; and though you are sentimental, you dislike extravagance and unnecessary things.
Another source : Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and be understood. Quiet unless excited or tense. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not vengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and old friends. Loves to be quiet. Homely person. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes time to recover.

AUGUST
Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Angry when provoked. Observant. Careful and curious. Sensitive but not petty.
Another source : you’re a strong leader who enjoys the company of strong and fearless personalities. As a very quick learner, you enjoy praise and take extreme pride in yourself and your work. Though you’re quick to anger and easily provoked, you’re great at consoling others and giving advice to those seeking it. You’re also very keen and Observant and a quick and  independent thinker.

SEPTEMBER
Suave and magnetic persona. Methodical and organized, likes to point out people’s flaws. Calm, cool and sensitive. Vivid memory, clever and resourceful. Loves to look for factual information.
Another source : You don’t speak often but when you do, it’s often well said and poignant. You’re a hard worker with the patience to pay attention to minute details that others may gloss over. You’re hyper critical of the work of yourself or others because you tend to be a bit of a perfectionist. As far as emotions go, you rarely show them and you tend to bottle them up.

OCTOBER
Loves to talk. Beautiful inside and out. Not deceitful. Sympathetic. Always making friends and popular. Hurts easily but recovers easily as well. Daydreamer. Emotional. Loves to travel. Loves the arts, literature and the outdoors. Spendthrift.
Another source : Friendly and outgoing, you’re a confident person who rarely cares a out what others think. You are decisive and opinionated and you treat those in your circle well. You’re always true to yourself and you treasure honesty above all else. Though you tend to be emotional and easily hurt, you recover quickly and always manage to land on your feet.

NOVEMBER:
You’re curious, thoughtful and full of amazing ideas. Your way of thinking tends to be different from others, making it difficult for people to understand you. However, you’re very sharp and self motivated, and as a determined individual, you always put in the work necessary to accomplish your goals. You also tend to be slightly wary of praise.
Another source: Thinks forward ahead of his time, unique and unconventional, fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good surgeons. Dynamic in personality, inquisitive, always alert and thinking, patient and determined. Loves solitude, hardworking, honest and reliable.

DECEMBER
Loyal and charitable, patriotic. Impatient and impulsive, ambitious, influential. Fun to be around, loves to socialize. An extrovert. Loves to be admired. Honest and dependable. Not pretentious. Hates restrictions, keen sense of humor.
Another source: You’re loyal, social and incredibly ambitious. People find you a pleasure to be around and you enjoy praise and attention. You’re a very honest person who people can easily trusting you take a lot of pride in yourself and your work. You’re very inflexible in your various circles and organizations, and though you’re a tad bit impatient, you’re still very ambitious and hardworking. More than anything, you hate to feel confined.

Even though mine was virtually spot on, I’m not satisfied with this personality classification as I think how you were raised has a lot more to do with how your character turns out, than the month you were born. That’s me though. What do you think? Leave your thoughts in the comments! Enlighten us!

Kisses, hugs, and kulikuli

Sincerely, Chibugo.

Monday Humor : What the…?!

Let me tell you a story.

You see, Kiisi, my little sister, is a very special child. If not for anything, she’s the only really dark kid among us. I envy her that. Besides that, she’s really  smart(too smart for her own good sometimes), and for someone so young, gets things done in record time. As you must know by now, this post is not to extol her great qualities 😎.  She’s soon going to be a teenager, but this event happened 4 years ago.

You know how kids like to play and play and play till they drop? If you’ve ever babysat your siblings or any kids at all, you’ll understand what I mean. They play till you get dizzy from chasing them around and decide to be more sensible and leave them well alone.

This was one of those days. Homework done, chores done, the little ones went out to play. And play, they did. They seemed to have an endless store of energy. When they returned into the house, they stank of sweat and sand and every other thing kids play with. The thing is, after play and bath time, the next thing they do is sleep. Anyone with younger siblings should be able to relate with this: cooking dinner while doing everything to make sure that their eyes remain open till it’s served. I would play songs from my phone, dance for them, read to them, play games with them, sometimes to no avail. The more I did these, the more it seemed like fuel was being poured into the fire of sleep. Television was not even an option. It put them to sleep right away.

Anyway, I wasn’t letting them go to sleep without dinner no matter what. No way would anyone be waking mother or me up at 3 am to cry “I’m hungry”. So we sat to eat, and I was satisfied to see that everyone was actually eating. I faced my food.

11615503-laughing-out-loud-emoticon-stock-vector-smiley-face-cartoon

After a few minutes, I heard my sister Kato, snickering and pointing. Adinbilivit! Kiisi had been  putting her morsel of eba into the bowl of water reserved for washing hands, and eating it! She kept at it, rhythmically,and with her eyes closed,  until I smacked her lightly and she woke up from the loud laughter around her. I had to send the poor thing to bed before she hurt herself in the name of having dinner. Some things are better seen than retold, I tell you. 😂😂

Till my next post,  XOXO

Have a great week, and don’t forget to be awesome!

 

The Youth Enterprise Conference 2016 – The Internet Entrepreneur

A week ago, I was at Eko hotels for the Youth Enterprise Conference organized annually by Akin Alabi, the CEO/founder of nairabet. I initially didn’t want to go but made my decision at morning mass and I don’t regret it one bit. I stood through the whole event in uncomfortable shoes, but, I tell you, it was worth it. There’s something about being in the same room with highly successful men and women and hearing their grass to grace stories that makes you feel like “Yes, I can do this, even if its not in the same industry”

At the event were Jason Njoku, founder of Iroko TV; Opeyemi Awoyemi, Co-founder of Jobberman; CEO of Ventra Media, Daryn Wober; founder of naijaloaded, Azeez Makinde; Craze clown /Dr Craze from Instagram (to be honest I came because of him lol) ;Tiwa Savage, and others.

As much as I wish I could talk about what each of them said, that would be impossible without writing a small book, and so I’ll try my best to summarize. One thing they all had in common was that they had PATIENCE and they were ALWAYS LEARNING. Another thing I noticed they had in common was that they began in unusual, even hard circumstances but their persistence prevailed. Jason Njoku had to go to Alaba market and do his thing from the grassroots, and even though the guys there didn’t quite understand him, they were able to work out a functional relationship that has made Iroko tv the brand it is today. Jason hammered on working with honest people. I completely agree with him. Opeyemi Awoyemi began trying to make something of himself from the time he was an undergrad student in Ife. He got tuned down by investors but after he decided to pour  his energy into developing his brand, he got his Major breakthrough through a million dollar Investment that came when he was at NYSC camp. Yeah. You heard right. A million dollars. Daryn Wober left a comfortable job in the UK to pursue his dreams and landed in Lagos. He’s been here for 3 years and doesn’t intend to leave anytime soon. His Instagram handle says it all:@oyinboinlagos. Lol. He’s very successful in his own right. And it all began under the stairs in his London home. Craze clown had written jamb about three or four times before his father finally decided to send him to Ukraine to study medicine. He’s in his final year now, and has been sponsoring himself for a long time. He was actually forced to, because times became too hard for his family. He currently earns 7 figures  annually from doing what he loves : comedy. He still intends to complete his degree as a medical doctor. Tiwa, dear Tiwa. She says the stats read that each time she trended online, she trended for the Wrong reasons. Handle your brand well, she says. You are your own brand.

There were impromptu giveaways too! A lady came up to tell Tiwa that she was a shoe maker, a very talented one at that(we all saw her work), but each time clients reached out to her after seeing her work online, they would say, “Oh, you’re a lady?” and that would be the end. Tiwa ended up giving her a free endorsement. I don’t know if you guys know how much it takes for Tiwa to endorse a brand. But she did it there and then for free. I envied  her. Opeyemi showed interest in a woman who spoke about production of brazilian wool, and said he would invest. Of course he won’t invest two kobo.

Another thing I noticed about them all was that they clearly had passion for  what they did. Loads of it. It had sustained them when the money was not there, and still drove them now that the money was there. In short, I was infected by it. Not that I’m about to begin a huge Internet business, but because their principles could be applied to any sector one wanted to excel in. I even managed to take a picture with Jason Njoku and a fellow UNN alumnus I met at the event. Anyone who knows me knows this is a big deal as I’m camera shy.

I know I looked horrible but I really couldn't care less at this point
I know I looked horrible but I really couldn’t care less at this point; kindly ignore the Peace sign. 
His name is Incometrader. Trust me, it was a well earned nickname from uni
His name is Incometrader. Trust me, it was a well earned nickname from uni

For more pictures from the event, you can check out Akin Alabi’s blog post here.  In my last post, I spoke about a small surprise. Its really simple. The first person to share this post on social media and leave a comment telling me what has changed on my blog gets airtime. Now, it should be in this format. Your name, your email address, what platform you shared this post on, what you like about this blog, what has changed on this blog, and how I can improve. First correct comment gets the airtime. May the fastest man win!