Whoa! Hold up! All men cheat?

Hello brethren and sistren. How are you doing? How market? Mummy and daddy nko? Your siblings nko? How is fuel in your area? Haha! Sharrat to my Yoruba elders. They can ask about even your neighbour’s dog. Hope the month of May has been treating you all well.

Some time ago, while taking a break from work, I was browsing bellanaija and a comment on a post caught my eye. Not just the comment, but the fact that it had gathered so many likes. The summary of what the commenter wrote was that “All men cheat. Its not about whether he is a pastor or a thug. It is an inherent thing in men”. I was horrified. To be honest, when I saw that, plus the fact that some other commenters concurred aggressively, even citing life examples, for a while I began looking at all men with suspicious eyes; my father included. Lol. I nor know who send me message, but after a while and a little research, I knew it couldn’t be true. In fact, common sense dictates that generalizations are never a good idea.frowny face

However, I came up with some interesting information and I leave it to you to determine which is fact and which is myth. I will state my opinion though.

1. 100% of men cannot be mentally monogamous, in that they are biologically programmed to assess the sexual attractiveness of every single woman they see.

My take : I think this is correct. This doesn’t usually translate to actual cheating, methinks. Feel free to prove me wrong, I beg.

2. Cheating men still love their wives, they just cannot resist a second slice of chocolate  cake.

My take: is it just me or just this sound really stupid?

3. Men cheat because of strong sexual impulses and the need for variety.

My take: CHINEKE! Variety? Food is a need. Water is a need. Sex is not a need, my brothers and sisters. It is a want. Strong sexual impulses can be controlled, or, wait, you think women don’t have strong sexual impulses too? At this point, lowering of inhibitions is what really makes someone with this excuse to finally cheat. Little wonder a study directly linked alcohol consumption with promiscuity. Alcohol lowers inhibitions.

4. Infidelity  is a choice: I agree. The same goes for fidelity.

5. Matching patterns is wrong:

I agree also. Just because 3 men you know have cheated on their spouses, and you’ve been cheated on twice, and you’re surrounded by baby daddies, doesn’t mean that the remaining three point something billion men in the world are cheats. It can be painful to be on the receiving end of such a terrible thing, but I don’t think generalizing solves anything.

6. Men can go about impregnating women left right and center, but a woman can only get pregnant every nine months maximum. That is probably the reason they don’t cheat as much as men.

😂 : My take: I laughed so hard at this and I knew I had to share. It just sounded ridiculous and funny and the same time. Couldn’t laugh alone.

To be more serious though, generalizations such as this are very dangerous. Not all men cheat, and not all women cheat. On the flipside  though, what do you think a person should do if she/he discovered his/her spouse cheating? Stay, or leave? Would YOU stay or leave? What even makes someone decide to cheat? I mean, if you thought this person was so awesome that you had to spend the rest of your life with him or her, why stray? Isn’t there a less scandalous way to take care of marital frustrations? Infidelity is far deeper than I choose to jokingly portray here, but I deliberately decided to limit this post because I wasn’t sure I had any right or authority to delve any deeper.

Awon mummies and daddies, aunties and uncles, brothers and sisters, boyfriends and girlfriends, sidekicks and main chicks (dodges bullet), neighbours and gateman, make una put mouth for this matter oh. This one pass me, to be honest. Married people, joor, put mouth for the matter. Epp our relationship ministry. Biko nobody should come to “haks”  me jamb kweshon on my BBM or whatsapp as to whether I’m about to marry or sontin. Ees nor your bizness. Lol.

XOXO, Chibugo.

Don’t tell me boosit, don’t call me boosmeat, eranko is a hanimal dat don’t haf sense I’m a human being you can’t dispute it

If you cannot give me sontin, don’t tell me notin, eranko is a hanimal dat don’t haf sense, I’m a human being you can’t dispute it  – Cobhams ft Falz ; Boosit, 2016.

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If you haven’t heard this song I quoted from above, you need to. It’s a song with a message, and hilarious too. It’s for those who make promises or vows and renege on them, be they husbands/wives, pastors or politicians. Boosit is the Ibadan adulteration of the word “bullshit”. Search and download, and tell me what you think! While at it, have a swell weekend!

90s chick; nerd, humanitarian; lover of life, family, fashion, food, art and literature; Christian by birth and choice. In short, I’m like jollof rice: you’re gonna love me. 😉

Why you should never say #relationshipgoals

Screenshot_2016-04-30-17-37-27Everyone, or almost everyone, has heard of the huge mess made when the marriage of  one of Nigeria’s celebrity couples Tiwa Savage and TeeBillz Balogun went South. No one saw it coming, and, to be honest, I had to stop reading about it at some point because it seemed like I was hearing/reading too much about a family’s private affair, and I want to retain the respect I have for Tiwa. And so I backed off.

Not that it saved them from anything, in fact, we all know how Nigerians love a good gossip, don’t we? BellaNaija and Linda Ikeji had a field day as their readers dissected the matter, insulted one or both parties, took sides with one or both parties, or simply relished the fact that celebrities weren’t so infallible after all. Look up there. On a good day, comments per post on bellanaija are between 20 and 200 for a very interesting post. Right now, there are more than 500 comments on one post about this issue, and more are still coming.

In my little corner, I had a little flashback: to when the wedding took place. Dubai wedding, adorable bridal shower, A-list celebrity attendance, echetaram echetaram. Every Nigerian girl’s dream. I had lost count of how many #couplegoals and #relationshipgoals hash tags I came across online during that period. On bellanaija I had seen comments like “Baba God I’m waiting for my own TeeBillz”, and all such nonsense. To be honest, what I admired the most was Tiwa’s traditional wedding attire. Period. I could understand that with the “scarcity of good husbands”  *cough cough*, people would be wishing for exactly what they saw online, without knowing the story behind the smile.

And that’s the exact reason you should never say #relationshipgoals. No one is ready to tell you the dark side to their different relationships, and so you can only evaluate from the “To-match Asoebi”, the shiny Instagram shots, the gift display on social media, the foreign trips, and so on. Nothing will ever prepare you for the diverse kinds of demons people are battling in their various relationships.

An acquaintance once told me of her experience when her and her (very average earning) husband were walking to the bus stop to take a bus to a wedding. They were well dressed, but not in the official Asoebi of the day because they couldn’t afford it as they were both running expensive higher degree programs at the time. As they walked, they saw a beautiful couple pass by in their tear rubber jeep, dressed in the very Asoebi. She looked on in envy. They had everything she wished for. She mentioned to her husband, “I love that couple so much. If only we could be like them. ” He looked at her mysteriously and smiled, but said nothing. Later in the day, while the wedding owanbe was in full swing, she mentioned the same thing to another friend, and the friend dramatically covered her mouth in full amebor  fashion.” You wish what!!!? ” Let me tell you before you wish yourself death, that that man was responsible for the loss of her last pregnancy when he almost beat her to a coma, and he cheats on her serially without remorse. Every one knows this, so I’m surprised you’re saying something so foolish. Don’t be deceived by all the appearances oh! Ees wash ooh! Even while they were coming in, they had a small fight at the entrance to the parking lot. They had to park on one side while a family friend came to make peace between them before they came in. Abi is it by To-match Asoebi that you evaluate the success of a marriage? Don’t be stupid abeg. ”

You see, in most rumors, there are elements of truth. That night her husband confirmed almost all that her amebor  friend had told her and she shuddered. To think that she had been wishing for THAT!

People, be careful what you wish for. Not everything is as it seems and no two relationships are the same. Work on your own relationships and goals, and see it all blossom. Don’t even pattern your relationships against 25 year marriages because in this day and age, even 30 year old marriages break up for stupid reasons. Admire them, and let them be.

Another thing: it is actually possible to have a successful relationship without the validation of social media. It isn’t every time you have a fight or have issues to sort that you need to spill it for everyone to see. Though I’m not married, I do know for a fact that marriage wahala can be terrible but trust me, social media will only make it all worse.

If you have something to add which you think might be helpful, let us know in the comments.

I am really heartbroken for Tiwa. I hope they work it all out.

Love, Chibugo.

90s chick; nerd, humanitarian; lover of life, family, fashion, food, art and literature; Christian by birth and choice. In short, I’m like jollof rice: you’re gonna love me. 😉

Monday Humor : What the…?!

Let me tell you a story.

You see, Kiisi, my little sister, is a very special child. If not for anything, she’s the only really dark kid among us. I envy her that. Besides that, she’s really  smart(too smart for her own good sometimes), and for someone so young, gets things done in record time. As you must know by now, this post is not to extol her great qualities 😎.  She’s soon going to be a teenager, but this event happened 4 years ago.

You know how kids like to play and play and play till they drop? If you’ve ever babysat your siblings or any kids at all, you’ll understand what I mean. They play till you get dizzy from chasing them around and decide to be more sensible and leave them well alone.

This was one of those days. Homework done, chores done, the little ones went out to play. And play, they did. They seemed to have an endless store of energy. When they returned into the house, they stank of sweat and sand and every other thing kids play with. The thing is, after play and bath time, the next thing they do is sleep. Anyone with younger siblings should be able to relate with this: cooking dinner while doing everything to make sure that their eyes remain open till it’s served. I would play songs from my phone, dance for them, read to them, play games with them, sometimes to no avail. The more I did these, the more it seemed like fuel was being poured into the fire of sleep. Television was not even an option. It put them to sleep right away.

Anyway, I wasn’t letting them go to sleep without dinner no matter what. No way would anyone be waking mother or me up at 3 am to cry “I’m hungry”. So we sat to eat, and I was satisfied to see that everyone was actually eating. I faced my food.

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After a few minutes, I heard my sister Kato, snickering and pointing. Adinbilivit! Kiisi had been  putting her morsel of eba into the bowl of water reserved for washing hands, and eating it! She kept at it, rhythmically,and with her eyes closed,  until I smacked her lightly and she woke up from the loud laughter around her. I had to send the poor thing to bed before she hurt herself in the name of having dinner. Some things are better seen than retold, I tell you. 😂😂

Till my next post,  XOXO

Have a great week, and don’t forget to be awesome!

 

90s chick; nerd, humanitarian; lover of life, family, fashion, food, art and literature; Christian by birth and choice. In short, I’m like jollof rice: you’re gonna love me. 😉