Here’s a dose of rhetoric

I am pretty sure I am not alone in team crazy. In all honesty, the most serene and calm demeanor sometimes houses the craziest thoughts ever. Like, I sometimes think,

1. What’s the worst that would happen if I broke into a dance in the middle of the busy road? Isn’t it a free world? One should be able to dance when and where she pleases. 😏

2. Am I the only one who, after reading the news, toys with the idea of getting my stuff in a backpack and walking through countries and swimming through oceans to a saner country like, say, Canada?

3. I could pull a stunt on a random guy, walk up to him and try my toasting skills on him, just to see his reaction. 😂 😂. It would be epic! Hmmmmm. I could actually do this….. Uh, maybe not. 😰

4. A day should have 30 hours. Splendid idea.

5. Why did we have to grow up? Adulthood is a trap. There’s no fun here😢

6. I don’t understand people that use unnecessary big grammar. Y’all don’t impress me one bit. Buy still sounds better than purchase, fat still sounds better than corpulent, and beautiful sounds way better than pulchritudinous. I’m outta here.

7. Trump may actually become President of the US. 😱

Tell me your crazy thoughts.! Spill your brains in the comments section! Okay, that sounded really gross.

Till I drop in again,

Sincerely, Chibugo.

 

Another man’s meat

You probably don’t know it, but you have something someone else desires terribly.

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A gap in the teeth is an abnormality, a defect. So is a dimple. A genetic defect caused by shortened facial muscle, that one. But this is all anatomical balderdash. Tell this to the women in Aba who go to carvers to chisel out a gap in their teeth at a very high risk, or the girls who attempt surgery to create dimples on their cheeks. The long and short of it is that people look for ways to achieve said defects as an item of beauty. The beholder calls the shots after all.

A mole on the face or body is a defect. I have two on my neck, and that one above my lip. Spent hours in my childhood trying to remove it, till I saw a very beautiful woman put the exact same dot above her lip with black liner ; the final touch in her makeup. It didn’t look so much like a defect after that.

A fart is a fart is a fart.

Kembu, my sister, had an operation and was not allowed to eat any solid food till she was able to fart. For three days she was on intravenous fluid nutrition. How long can you stay away from eating actual food? On the third day, mother came into her hospital room and met her smiling, all 32 of her teeth almost walking around the room on their own. “Mummy, I farted!”, came the announcement, in the same tone of voice you’d announce, “Dad, I got into Harvard on a full scholarship!”

What is a fart again?

Oh, it’s that thing we all do but never want to admit we do. Biology says a healthy human makes about 4 to 14 successful attempts daily. Too smelly and “messy”(pun intended) to be spoken about. But somebody prayed to be able to do it.

7:45pm. She’s on Cele overhead bridge, stuck in traffic. Amid the sound of horns and drivers cursing at each other and hawkers calling out their wares, she takes off her stilettos and puts on her handy flip flops, alights from the bus and walks the rest of the distance, passing the cause of the traffic and crossing the road to take a tricycle to her final destination. A pair of eyes follows her every move hungrily from behind her tinted window, air conditioned luxury car. If one could just park on the bridge and return later to pick up her car…. She sighs and blares her horn even louder.

Life is a well spiced pot of ironical jollof, the party type.

Sincerely, Chibugo.