Monday Humor: We crazy like that

May came and went by so fast, didn’t it? Something seems to be chasing this year. I wonder where it’s running to. Anyway, we shall keep our flag flying no matter what.

So while in school, I was the serious type. Check this very funny post so you’ll understand. Always early to class, never late in submitting assignments, notes always intact, etc. Typically, I wasn’t very fashionable(I’m still not), but I managed to keep my head above water. Shirts to the rescue, most of the time. Now, second year is an academic year I do not want to ever remember because it was such a confusing time. We all had to run around like headless chickens that year, what with so many “borrowed courses”  and changes in existing systems. That was also the year of my worst GPA. Bleh. Terrible year.

So on this particular day, we just heard that a class would be in session. This was a course we had to borrow from statistics department and I was not finding it easy as we had had only one lecture throughout the semester and exams were close. Imagine the speed I used to rush out of the hostel when I heard that a class had been fixed. Almost sprained my ankle sprinting to Abuja building for a class I ended up not understanding sef. Mtchew.

I got to class, amid the usual boisterous greetings and haggling for seating space. There were very few girls there, as is typical of impromptu classes, and we got down to business when the lecturer came in. It was quite interactive, even though I could tell that half of the class, like me, wasn’t following fully.

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Anyway, it ended and we were all having the usual after class discussions when someone blurted out: “Come oh, Chibugo, which style of wearing shirt be this nah?”. That was when I looked down at what I was wearing. 😩😢😥. I had worn my shirt inside out, and it was extremely obvious. It took me below 2 seconds to recover and throw back a light retort: “You didn’t know? Na the new style wey dey reign naaaw. No carry me play ooo!”  And we all laughed. I laughed loudest, but inside my mind, I was like this

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It pays to have a sharp mouth, I tell you.

Kisses and hugs, and a happy democracy holiday to you.

Dont stop being awesome. ✌✌

90s chick; nerd, humanitarian; lover of life, family, fashion, food, art and literature; Christian by birth and choice. In short, I’m like jollof rice: you’re gonna love me. 😉

A reader sent this in…. Meanwhile, read to the end.

A reader sent an email to me asking me to publish this as he was scammed via betting. I don’t know how this betting thing works, but it would be foolhardy to trust anyone with your money in these harsh times. Be very careful whom you give your money to, everybody’s eyes are red. I have nothing against gambling, but…. In fact let me stop. Get-rich-quick schemes always leave us vulnerable to predators who feed on our greed. Be warned. Here goes :

“Good morning. Great work you have been doing here I must commend, I was scammed by a wonderful Nigerian claiming to have sure games(betnaija, nairabet and co), he always promises to refund both committed fund and stake fund after two consecutive games didn’t play/Check out. I’m not the only one being scammed by him, I’ll like you to publish this to let other bet livers like me not to fall victim to his scam/tricks. Here are his details Ighodaro Osayende 2086744821 Zenith Bank. 08153528956 BBM channel 214 predictions.

Thanks! ”

Meanwhile, another reader sent me a link to free online courses as published last week by the Financial Times, UK. Online courses are really great ways to learn without having to go to any class. It just needs commitment, a laptop with Internet and a Webcam. Believe me, I tried one at the end of last year and I’m much better for it. I have to confess though,  he sent it to me since last week and on trying to post them today, I found out that the compilation had been removed from the site. So I decided to compile some sites myself and share with you. I have to keep the promise I made. Below are links to 5 sites with free and paid courses you could use to better yourself personally and professionally.
5. EdX
There you have them. Go ahead, knock yourself out. No excuses. Data subscription in Nigeria now is cheaper on all networks. Whether it’s to learn something new, or develop that which we already know, what better way to do it than online? Get started! Don’t hoard information, share with friends too.
Sincerely, Chibugo.
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I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.  – Pablo Picasso

90s chick; nerd, humanitarian; lover of life, family, fashion, food, art and literature; Christian by birth and choice. In short, I’m like jollof rice: you’re gonna love me. 😉

Dilemma of a naija girl…that doesn’t want to bleach.

How do I start? Okay, here goes.

I am in my early twenties and I’ve never really had a body cream. Wait, let me explain. Up until my second or third year at University, I used Pears or Venus moisturizing lotion. Those last few years were the worst years of my acne episode, and so I had to stop. Inasmuch as my body looked nice, my face was a tropical rainforest. I still have not-so-fond memories of my brother calling my face “paradise of pimples”. It was that bad. If I say it didn’t affect my self esteem, I’d be a devilish liar. And so I was cream-less for a while, using the occasional Vaseline in dry weather. I fared no better.

By the end of my third year, a pharmacist talked me into using an antibacterial/antifungal cream to get rid of them, together with oral antibiotics. All was fine for a while and I actually had close to clear skin until I woke up one morning and wondered when I had become so light skinned. My face is naturally darker than the rest of my body, but at that point, I had people calling me “oyibo”. I threw the cream out. I can’t go and resemble Michael Jackson on top pimples mata. Back to square one.

Till I graduated, I probably never used any thing on my face, and my pimples flourished. Whenever I saw any lotion that didn’t have the words “lightening” or “brightening” on them, they were usually too oily and made me “aunty pimples” again.  Before I began NYSC, another pharmacist suggested a cream containing hydroquinone to me, saying that it would lighten me a bit, but it would help with the acne and spots. On the edge of desperation, I accepted.

Omo, when I got to camp, the Benue sun showed me that “khaki nor be leather”. I was tanned to a deep brown and always got this tight feeling around my eyes whenever I came out of the sunlight. I read on the body of the lotion that while using it I would have to avoid sunlight. Like, what the heck? Could this mean I would soon have sunburn? Whaaaaat!

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No one told me to run.

When I began NYSC a friend suggested a lotion to me. It was one of the “toning” ones, but since she used it, and she looked the same as she had always been, I decided I would give it a try. It contained “natural plant extracts” and as a biochemist I know those are really good for skin. I used it all through the harsh Benue harmattan. And stopped during the wet season as it was breaking me out, again. The remnant is still lying in my wardrobe now.

To cut the long story short, when you have stayed so long without lotion as I have for months now, you will feel the need for moisture that won’t break you out. I’m not feeling my facial skin at all bruh. And the stores? They all stock the same damn things. Take a look here: IMG_20160520_141833

85% of the creams promise to take you from Lupita to Beyonce in a week. Now, I’m a scientist and I can tell you that that is downright scary. All the lotions that don’t lighten contain ingredients that break me out like mineral oil/petrolatum, cocoa butter, etc. What’s a girl to do? On a certain BBM channel I saw an ad for a range of products that promised to clear your skin really fast and make your skin really fresh. I was interested oh. When I looked at the before and after photos, I was shocked! Imagine Genevieve suddenly looking like Tonto Dikeh? That was what I saw. That wasn’t the surprising part. I saw comments where people were asking for how they could contact the seller to get the “half caste cream”. I literally died and rose again. Why does everyone want to be fair? What is the benefit? Can somebody explain to me?

This is the statement they always use to qualify the lightening: “sister, the cream will bring out your true colour”. He. He. He. I resemble mugu abi? When did we have many colours to choose from? True colour ko, true colour ni. I dislike the idea of being part of the bandwagon called “Lagos girls” who get a shade or two lighter every year, but how long will somebori keep neglecting her face kwanu? Person pikin cannot even go out sans makeup without summoning the angels of confidence to accompany her. Someone once asked me if I was so broke I couldn’t afford a decent face cream. #sideeye. Does this mean that in the whole of Lagos, there is no face lotion that will improve your oily skin without either breaking you out or lightening you?

A very high number of people are having this same problem and don’t know what to do.

I’m tired. Help.

 

90s chick; nerd, humanitarian; lover of life, family, fashion, food, art and literature; Christian by birth and choice. In short, I’m like jollof rice: you’re gonna love me. 😉