After I was made by my computer teacher to open my first email address at 10, I had nothing else to do with the Internet media until my late teens when I decided to follow the trend called Facebook. Since then, it’s been from one social media app to the other. Whatsapp, BBM, Twitter, Instagram, come to think of it, I really think I should leave some of these sites. They’re the biggest time swallowers!
In my years of using social media, I’ve come across so many different kinds of users. And oh, as an aside, I found out one creepy fact: we all use social media to stalk each other. Whether it’s to stalk people we know via Facebook, or people we don’t know via Instagram, social media just helps the stalking ministry. Lol. Warning! This is a long post!
I grouped us all into 10. Oya, Identify your group(s).
1. The BC senders : If you are a BC sender raise up your hand. *raises hand*. Okay, I’m not the kind of annoying BC sender who sends all those “If you love Jesus send this to 20 people on your contact list, but if you don’t, it means you love satan”, or “type Amen to claim your blessing” kinda BC sender. I actually detest getting such messages and I regard then as I would spam. Once or twice I’ve sent really funny or very meaningful BCs especially when they contained a message I didn’t know how else to convey. Also, since I started blogging actively., I’ve had reason to flood all my social media pages and contacts with links to my blog. How we for take do naah? There’s no other way to move the ministry. I’m sorry for annoying you with those links and I apologize in advance for those I will still send. 😀 Tainkiu for bearing with me.
2. The updaters, aka jobless pipu: I really don’t know how they do it, but these people manage to flood my updates section with about 20 updates in an hour. I still wonder how someone will siddon and just be putting pictures , removing pictures, update one thing, change it to another thing, and repeat the process all over again without getting tired. Do you live on social media? O ma se ooh! Kontinu. *side eye to all of them *
3. The thankers : This group just makes me laugh. Someone sends you a friend request on Facebook and when you accept, you get a message on your wall that looks like this: “Thank you for your acceptment of my friendship my lovely sister. God bless you. Welcome to my world”. Really? All this greeting on top Facebook friend request? I could know all I wanted to know about you without even checking out your friend request. Wetin dey your world? Abeg shift joor. It’s not like I just accepted to marry you. Lol. Or you ‘like’ someone’s picture and you get a response:”Thanks for your likes my friends” *facepalm* Duhhh! You can thank the fellas by liking their own photos when they post ’em! Sheesh! Next!
4. The shortformers: The people in this group annoy me to no end. You start a conversation with “Xup” or “Ow u dn” and expect someone to understand you? The one I got recently that made me vex was “I”. When I saw it, I thought the person wanted to make a sentence but mistakenly sent “I”. So I waited for the rest of the conversation, but got nothing. I sent a couple of question marks to indicate I didn’t understand and he explained that he was just saying hi. *In sisiyemmie’s voice* Nonsense and ingredients!!! Lazy pipu! So you know where letter H is and you decide to torment someone’s eyes by typing horrible shortforms ? Take ya time! The same goes for those who deliberately shorten things that they have no business shortening, example kkk meaning OK; (Last I heard, kkk meant Ku Klux Klan: go and find out what that stands for), Jixox, meaning Jesus ;m cmn hm, meaning I’m coming home, etc. Correct your self or stay away from me. Nuff said.
5. The swearers/x-rated peeps: I once had a friend on BBM who was the oga of F-word usage. He also had the nasty habit of putting up Pornographic images as his display picture. I can’t have such people on my contact list now can I? The day any of my younger siblings will want to do amebor by opening my social media pages through my phone, how will I explain that one? I can’t have someone draining the small anointing I still have. Get behind me Satan! *sprinkles holy water on laptop and phones*
6. The advertisers: Have you ever been on a celebrity’s Instagram page? She could put up a very wonderful post that generates a lot of likes and reposts from fans, and when you go to the comments section you see things that are totally unrelated like:” Get your waist trainers at very affordable rates and get that look you’ve been craving. All sizes available. Simply call 0804xxxxxxx. BB pin IS ABCDEFG. A trial will convince you. ” All I can do is El Oh El. 😀 Eees not dia fault. Na traffic dem dey find ni.
7.The perpetually busy ones/The ignorers : You will message these ones respectfully after work hours and not get any response. The painful part is that your message will deliver, they will be online, change dp and pm, but your message will remain unread. All of you that do this, Jesus is watching you all in 7D. I am a busy person myself, and I know I do my own share of ignoring, especially during work hours, but I would never be that mean. Shiorrrrr
8. TMI peeps: She go shit, she update message to tell us. Her boyfriend buy her shawarma, she snap am upload, con describe how the date be. She buy shoe, she upload am. She buy new Brazilian hair, of course we hafto know. If she con travel go Dubai nko ?Oghene me! We gon be updated from takeoff to touch down and for the entire duration of the trip. Trust that we will also see all the stuff she bought when shopping. People like this just need the public to know them as cool people. I think that’s plain dumb. After putting up all that info about your personal life in people’s faces, don’t start wailing about haters when they come at you, coz they will. And oh, TMI means too much information.
9. The prayer warriors: I’m actually cool with this group, just that sometimes the prayers get a little too aggressive and scary that I just quietly tiptoe/moonwalk away.
10. The taggers: I really don’t know what to do about this group. You will just jejely be in one corner with your chewing stick, minding your business and the next thing you will receive a notification that you have been added to one kain group on Facebook, whatsapp, or so. Recently I was added to one group called “What a miserable world we live in”. Whaaaaaat! O.o The speed I used to remove myself from the group ehn, na die. Biko don’t add people to groups without their permission abeg. Especially when you guys are not so close as friends. Ema binu.
Speak the truth and shame the devil ooh. What group do you belong to? Do you think I left any group out? Don’t spoil the fun, Add it in the comments!
Till my next post, kizzez, hugs and kulikuli.
90s chick; nerd, humanitarian; lover of life, family, fashion, food, art and literature; Christian by birth and choice. In short, I’m like jollof rice: you’re gonna love me. 😉